How you get the girl
by YellowAtlas
Summary: And that's how it works, that's how you get the girl and then you say... During an NYC case involving a WWII related artifact, Claudia realizes that her feelings for her best friend Steve might stretch beyond platonic. But Steve is with Liam, and frankly, she would rather have him as a friend than not at all. Unfortunately, the feelings won't go away, so she decides to act.


It was a normal October day all over the country, but in the middle of nowhere, hidden by rocks and mountains was a seemingly abandoned building, except that it wasn't. It was a building of endless wonder as Artie Nielsen liked to phrase it. The building held all kinds of wondrous artifacts, whether they be disturbing, peaceful, dangerous or harmless. It was and would forever be Warehouse 13.

"Claude?" Steve called out as he entered the office from the Umbilicus.

"Sup' Poopy Pants?" Claudia answered as she spun to face him sitting cross-legged in Artie's 'special' chair. He strode into the office covered in horse crap with a rather unpleasant look on his face. She inspected him for a moment before putting two and two together.

"So now you're literally Poopy Pants!" Claudia laughed. Steve just glared at her.

"The next time Artie sends me on an artifact chase including horses or any kind of animal for that matter I might as well murder him!"

"Geez Buddha, how about you take a shower before attempting cold-blooded murder?" Claudia suggested with amuse still evident in her voice. Steve rolled his eyes and dumped a neutralizer bag next to Claudia, with horse crap on it of course. She picked it up carefully with two fingers as she tried to avoid getting excrement on her hands.

"Anyways, I'll go have a shower then, see you later Claude." Steve sighed and started wandering towards the door leading to the Umbilicus.

"See you!" Claudia called after him. She spun back around to face the desk and dumped the contents of the neutralizer bag onto the table. As Steve had informed her earlier they were indeed dealing with Marilyn Monroe's hairpin that caused people to commit suicide. She grabbed a purple glove from beside her. As she sat there in the office all alone examining the hairpin, she realized how deadly beauty could be. The hair pin was a slick bobby pin with a small red star at one end. The star was entangled with gold lines, creating the most beautiful piece of jewelry Claudia had ever seen.

"Claudia, get out of that chair!" Artie barked suddenly from the doorway leading to the Warehouse floor. "It's adjusted to meet the needs of my back!"

"I'm sorry, I don't speak grumpy." Claudia replied as she turned to face her boss.

"I said get out of my chair!" He barked again. She rolled her eyes and he huffed.

"Calm down Gramps or you'll give yourself a heart attack." She retorted as she stood only to relocate her body into the chair right beside Arties special one. Artie quickly scrambled his way over to the old dusty computer and started typing furiously. Claudia readjusted in her seat and stretched her neck trying to get a glimpse of what was going on.

"There's a fire down in aisle Hicks-192 again," Artie explained as he focused on typing away on the computer.

"Again? But I thought we had separated The Pyromaniacs Flintstone and Ben Jebirs shotgun."

"We did, but now that shotgun is acting up again, it seems to be inter-" He was interrupted by Claudia.

"Wait, if you and I are up here, then who is extinguishing the fire?"

"Pete and Myka have got it," Artie replied. "As I was saying," He scolded at the younger woman. "The shotgun seems to be interfering with another artifact, causing Hicks-192 to self-combust."

"Do we know which artifact the shotgun interfered with?" Claudia asked. Artie shook his head briefly. She turned her attention to her laptop and started running a search for anything in Hicks-192 that could cause a fire.

It was quiet in the office for a while. The only noise audible was the typing on the computers complete with a few sighs now and then or a groan from Artie.

"I think I've got it!" Claudia suddenly broke the silence.

"Well, talk then!" Artie demanded.

"It's an old bookcase from a pastor's office. The church burned to the ground in 1752, but the dying pastor clung to the case, causing him to transfer the smoke and flames into the bookcase."

"Might as well be it," Artie grumbled.

"Why doesn't the B&B have knives with potential?" The loud bang of the Umbilicus door drew Claudia's attention to a clean Steve standing by the door.

"Still considering cold-blooded murder? Because if you wanna go for it he's right here." She gestured towards Artie.

"Huh? Nobody's getting murdered!" Artie replied when he faced Steve. Steve rolled his eyes.

"I was just trying to cut some bread for a sandwich, but seeing as all the knives in the B&B isn't sharp enough and all the bread is hard as stoneI'm starving. Someone should seroiusly get some shopping done." Steve made his way across the room. He gently leaned on the table where Claudia and Artie were seated. He leaned slightly on his elbow to see what they were doing.

"That's one hell of a bookcase," Steve commented at the solid dark oak bookcase displayed on Claudia's screen.

"It's one hell of a deadly bookcase." Claudia corrected.

"How about you call Myka and Pete before it starts killing people?" Artie hurried them on. Claudia grabbed her Farnsworth off of her desk and clicked the little button to call Myka. Mykas somewhat panicked face appeared in the circle. Flames could be seen in the background torturing the shelves and everything on them. White fire extinguisher smoke battled the raging fire loudly.

"Myka, are you able to get to the big bookcase?" Myka scanned the chaotic aisle filled with orange flames licking at the shelves. Over in the far end of the aisle, she spotted the object Claudia was talking about.

"Do you mean this?" Myka turned around her Farnsworth so that Claudia could see the massive bookcase in the other end of the aisle.

"Yeah, yeah that's it," Claudia confirmed. "Can you get to it?"

"Shouldn't be that hard," Myka commented as she pointed the Farnsworth slightly downwards showing a small cleared path. The screen of the Farnsworth pointed towards the floor for the time it took her to make her way to the bookshelf. Myka flipped the Farnsworth back around.

"Told you it wasn't that hard." She laughed lightly despite the chaos. Sparks and glistening noises could be heard from the bookshelf caused by the shower of neutralizer sprayed on it.

Back in the office, the mood had settled down. Artie was typing away on his computer, he had told Claudia and Steve that he was looking into some disturbance in New York and to get out of his hair. The duo had decided to make a stop in Univille to get a bite to eat, seeing as Steve was still starving.

"This job sure as hell never gets boring." Steve laughed in an attempt to make conversation with his BFFWYLION. Claudia quickly swallowed the bite of sandwich currently in her mouth before responding.

"And you're telling me that after two years of working together?" She laughed. He looked at her with this look in his eyes for a moment. Claudia couldn't quite place it.

"I guess I am." He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well, it sure is better than an office job." She picked up the conversation.

"Speaking from experience?" He questioned raising an eyebrow.

"Speaking from what I hear." She responded smoothly, slightly laughing.

"Not that I could ever see you in some tight skirt, hair in a bun and briefcase under one arm."

"Not that I expect to seen that way."

"So you wouldn't take an office job?"

"Nah, too boring." She shrugged. He took a bite of his sandwich devouring the taste.

"I bet people think you haven't eaten in a year."

"What do you mean?" He mumbled through crumbs and cheese.

"You're literally attacking the sandwich. It creeps people out." She pointed behind her and Steve noticed an elderly lady, a few booths down staring at him like he had grown a pair of extra arms.

"Cases make me hungry." He brushed her off and continued eating his sandwich.

"Yeah, but a case where you come back like that just made me lose my appetite." She picked at her sandwich, there had only been taken a couple of bites out of the freshly baked bread. He raised an eyebrow and nodded towards the sandwich on her place. She cracked a barely visible smile before she pushed the plate towards him, encouraging him to eat it.

"Should we bring back some pie for Artie?" Claudia suggested eyeing the glass cabinet filled with pies and cakes with neat frosting.

"Nah, I heard something about a diet, so better not." He laughed.

"A diet?!" Claudia managed to get out in the pauses between her hysteric coughing induced by choking on water.

"Yeah, apparently. Not that I think he'll stick to it."  
"It was probably Abigail's idea." She cleared her throat a final time.

"Probably." He agreed cracking up. Artie without his big belly was out of this world.

Claudia turned over once again in her bed as the muffled voices kept up their pace across the hall. She tried covering her ears with a pillow, but with no avail, they were still just as loud. How could Myka possibly be getting any sleep with Steve and Liam cursing with pleasure on the other side of the wall? She sighed and settled herself for yet another sleepless night. She closed her eyes and prayed her hardest that they would be done soon. A thought crossed her mind and she turned on the light to dig through her nightstand drawer. She finally spotted what she was looking for. Her beloved earplugs. She swiftly slipped them into her ears and turned the light off once again, faced the wall and hoped for at least a couple of hours of decent sleep before dawn.

Claudia was seated at the breakfast table the next morning staring into a cup of liquid the same color as her coffee brown eyes. Her reddish-brown hair swayed as she sighed.

"And then the dog goes meow!" Pete proudly finished his joke succeeding in everyone letting out a laugh, even Claudia cracked a slight smile. Liam had left late at night or right before dawn, she wasn't sure, but none the less he wasn't present at breakfast. Claudia knew Steve had feelings for the guy, but hearing them at night definitely wasn't something she enjoyed.

She continued staring into her coffee not picking up a thing being said at the table.

"What do you say, Claude?" Abigail asked.

"Huh?" She looked up. "What?"

"Is something wrong?" The Asian woman inquired.

"No, no it's nothing. Just didn't get a lot of sleep." She replied not meeting Abigail's eyes.

"We thought we might have movie night later, are you up for it?" Abigail looked at Claudia.

"Ehm...I gu -" Her response was cut off by Pete's blabbering.

"So Jinksy, when are you gonna pop the question?" Pete's speech was muffled by the giant loaf of bread crammed in his mouth.

"What question?" Steve looked taken aback from the sudden change of subject.

" _The_ question, duh."

"Even though I very much appreciate you pointing out that gay marriage is legal, I'm not looking to get married," Steve answered.

"But you like him," Pete argued.

"Liking isn't loving, okay?" Steve snapped suddenly losing his calm Buddhist attitude.

"Whatever you say," Pete mumbled. His focus returned to his food. Steve grumbled something under his breath.

"Why don't we all just give Steve a break?" Myka suggested before she continued. "Anything new on the disturbance in New York?" Her question now directed towards Artie.

"During a baseball game between the Yankees and the Mets police officers were seen using extreme methods to calm the crowd like a severe beating. But these methods were only used on the Mets' fans."

"That seems odd," Pete commented stuffing his mouth with food yet again. Claudia rolled her eyes.

"Has it occurred to you that we specialize in odd?" She mocked. Pete shrugged. So much for seeing their colleague being professional at the breakfast table.

"So Claudia and Steve are heading to New York." Steve nodded and Claudia took a swig of her coffee. Pete started protesting against Artie's choice of sending the so-called B team to New York while he and Myka had to stay behind. Artie wouldn't have any of it though and stopped him the second he tried to complain.

"But Artie," Pete whined.

"I said Claudia and Steve go to New York, so that how it's going to be. End of discussion." Artie stopped Pete from objecting further.

"Anyways," He handed both Steve and Claudia a thin file along with a plane ticket. "Your flight leaves in an hour." These were his final words before the two younger agents scrambled out of the room to pack for the trip.

"What's with Artie and his habit of booking insane plane tickets, it's a wonder we even caught the plane." Claudia sighed leaning back into her economy class seat.

"Maybe he thinks we'll be more effective when we are always on our toes." Steve laughed.

"Maybe." Claudia turned in her window seat. She gazed at the blue sky surrounding the aircraft. The sun was bright and pale, almost white. She played with one of the many rings situated on her fingers as she continued taking in the ocean of blue and white melting together. After a while, Steve snoozed off beside her leaving her to her thoughts. At least she might actually get some sleep tonight.

The Yankees Stadium in the middle of the busy New York streets was a loud chaotic mess. Cheering could be heard in every direction, but no violence or screaming. No police were in sight only loud, happy and slightly drunk people. Claudia and Steve walked through the long halls across the stadium to find the head of the security's office. They made their way down a well-lit hallway coming across several doors leading to offices, but none of them the right door. At the very end of the hallway, they found the head of the security's office. Steve knocked lightly as Claudia tapped her foot against the floor impatiently.

The door was opened by a big slightly scary looking guy in his 40's. He had a tattoo that peeked out from under his black T-shirt and blonde hair. His name tag on his chest informed everyone that his name was Angus.

"Hey," Steve shook Angus' hand. "We are from IRS," Steve flashed his cover-up badge in Angus' face. "We just have a few questions about the way the police tackled a situation here yesterday."

"What does that have to do with the IRS?" Angus challenged with a puzzled look on his face.

"We think that a person who has not been paying their taxes were present at the riot yesterday." Steve lied. Angus looked slightly dumbfounded as he led the pair into his office.

"Well...ehm...we have the security footage from last night if you're interested in that." He began typing on his computer. Claudia stood beside him as Steve looked over her shoulder.

The tape started playing, the camera was situated above the exit showing people leaving the stadium. A couple of police officers appeared after a small fight had started at the far end of the screen towards the seats. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, people were moving along impatiently and the police officers were talking out the incident between the two men. Abruptly, a small troop of police officers come into view and started working the crowd towards their seats. Some protested while others decided to try to dodge the crowd. The officers did not like that decision, so they tried to force the dodgers back into the stadium. Slowly, but surely the situation escalated into a violent fight between the people and the officers. As Artie had described the officers started getting violent towards anyone who tried to make their way out of the stadium. They pulled people's sleeves, kicked, hit and yelled at the crowd. Several arrests were made before something was thrown at the camera causing it to go black.

"Why were they trying to shove people back in? Was there some kind of problem?" Claudia directed her attention from the screen towards Angus.

"Not as far as any of the security guards were concerned." He answered simply. "But the people who were arrested might have some answers for you."

"And they're down at the local police station?"

"Yeah, NYPD 44th Precinct."

The streets were crowded and the wind rough, creating the ideal setting for a Farnsworth call.

"What?!" Artie barked when he answered.

"We went to see the head of security at the Yankees Stadium," Claudia informed briefly.

"What did he say?" Artie's voice was weakened by the pace of the wind.

"Not much, he showed us the security tape from last night though."

"Anything suspicious or unusual?"

"Other than the fact that the police violently tried to shove people back into the Stadium with no obvious reason?" She rolled her eyes and she caught Steve chuckling out of the corner of her eye.

"Other than that, yes."

"Nope, but we're going to see some of the people who were arrested last night." She answered.

"Good." He said before hanging up. Claudia sighed and tucked the Farnsworth into her messenger bag.

"He didn't say goodbye," Steve commented. Claudia let out a quiet laugh at the thought of her partner being upset over such a normal thing.

"He never does."

A/N: Hey, this story is probably going to be on hold for quite some time, if I don't take it down before then. But I would really like some feedback on the writing, layout or just the general plot. I hope you are willing to help me out!

-YellowAtlas


End file.
